Newspaper chain to outsource management positions
The rush to export newspaper jobs overseas takes a new turn today.
From a press release we received this morning:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Moxbury, Pa.
April 1, 2008NEWSPAPER CHAIN TO OUTSOURCE
CORPORATE MANAGEMENT POSITIONSThe Patriot-Herald newspaper group will eliminate 45 jobs in the second quarter of 2008 when it outsources corporate management positions to a company in India, the Moxbury, Pa.,-based chain announced Tuesday.
“We’ve tried outsourcing advertising positions and news positions,” said Patriot-Herald company spokesman Ned Blighter III. “This seemed to be about the only thing we had left to send overseas.”
“This is a purely a cost-saving move and will not affect the quality of our products,” Blighter said. “Our readers won’t notice a thing.”
The company that will take on the work — Xpress KFC of New Delhi, India — has successfully handled all the work the Patriot-Herald company has sent its way, Blighter said. Positions previously outsourced to Xpress KFC include advertising design, photo toning, copy editing, cops reporting, sports columnist and weekend planning and budgeting functions.
Among the positions to be outsourced are Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer and others, including human resources and information systems, the chain said. One of the key functions the new India-based officers will perform will be to determine what additional positions will be outsourced.
“Who better to determine that than the folks who are handling the outsourced work?,” Blighter said.
The only corporate position not earmarked for outsourcing at this time is that of company spokesman, Blighter said.
The Patriot-Herald group is a chain of 13 mid-size daily newspapers located in small towns throughout Pennsylvania, the Florida panhandle and the upper peninsula of Wisconsin.
The newspaper industry is struggling with sliding circulation and advertising revenue. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that nearly 17,000 newspaper positions were cut in 2007 — 4.7 percent of the total U.S. newspaper labor force.
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April 1st, 2008 at 8:32 am
So the name of the company is Xpress KFC? That’s just what we need — faster drive-thrus.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:17 am
I can’t wrap my ahead around such actions. What makes it a Patriot-Herald product?
April 1st, 2008 at 9:30 am
“This is a purely a cost-saving move and will not affect the quality of our products,†Blighter said. “Our readers won’t notice a thing.â€
Why do they even put statements like this on these stories anymore? Do they honestly think anybody is going to believe a word of it?
On the brighter side, at least they are moving up the corporate ladder in terms of outsourcing. Maybe by this time next year, they’ll outsource ownership to India as well.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:39 am
No seriously, this is an April Fool’s Day joke, right??
April 1st, 2008 at 9:51 am
Could this be an April Fool’s joke by our friend Charles?
April 1st, 2008 at 10:14 am
Damn! Couldn’t believe I fell for that :-) Well done sir.
April 1st, 2008 at 10:27 am
Um, it is 1 April in Warsaw . . . and I am laughing, but also crying . . .
Brilliant, Sir Charles . . .
April 1st, 2008 at 11:17 am
Sorry, guys. I thought I left you enough clues.
April 1st, 2008 at 11:25 am
I love it! Happy April Fool’s Day, Charles. At least you know you can write press releases if the job market really goes downhill.
t.p.
April 1st, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I so regret that my paper doesn’t have an edition today. I had even done a special April 1 logotype back when I did the redesign. And then we went weekly :(
April 1st, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Bravo! You had me until I moused over the “Read more here” and saw the website URL. But, honestly with all the outsourcing these days it could be a reality someday…
April 1st, 2008 at 8:10 pm
How many of us could do April Fools jokes in the paper? I did, with the publisher’s blessing — in the events calendar for April 1, “NO PINELLAS NEWS PUBLISHED TODAY. That’s because we publish Fridays, not Tuesdays. April Fools.” Put a screen behind it, even. (See it at http://www.pinellas-news.com for yourself.)
April 1st, 2008 at 10:23 pm
It was pretty obvious when I saw outsourcing management. It seems they are the ones that don’t usually get eliminated. Finally, it was the Express KFC.That’s sealed the deal when it comes to an April Fools joke. Come on, KFC. If you don’t know, KFC stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken ….The stuff that’s finger lickin good…..
Good joke….
April 1st, 2008 at 11:01 pm
The actual company in New Delhi that’s absorbing all these jobs is called Express KCS. I figured Xpress KFC sounded authentic yet silly at the same time.
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I figured the name of the company spokesman — Ned Blighter III — would be a giveaway. Apparently not. [Blighter: n. Chiefly British Slang. A fellow, especially one held in low esteem.]
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I also figured the geography would be a tipoff. What kind of chain runs small dailies in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and the Florida Panhandle?
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Plus, I referenced “the upper peninsula of Wisconsin,” hoping I’d get a belly laugh from those of you who know the upper peninsula is Michigan, not Wisconsin. However, it now occurs to me y’all might have thought I was referring to the Apostle area, east of Duluth.
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In order to capture the correct mood, I stayed very close to several extremely dry stories I found online about actual outsourcing deals. I even cribbed one graf — the last one — directly from one story in particular. I just couldn’t improve upon it. Since this was satire — and not professional publication — I figured I was OK with the cut-and-paste in this instance.
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Regardless, I’m glad y’all enjoyed it. I wrote this a while back and had been saving it for April Fool’s Day.
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Just read this whole blog. What a blast. Bravo Charles. You are the master of mischief, the sultan of stunts, the leader of larks, the happy hoaxster.
-dabrowa
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Great joke, Charles — the scary thing is, a few years ago none of us would have believed it for a second. That we even momentarily bought it just shows how dismal things are out there … almost frighteningly convincing.
Either that, or you’re just too damn clever!
– Doop